Stop using your sexuality to get what you want
Twitter: @you_dumpling
Video on the subject:
A month back, Tomi Lauren posted a video that went viral. She felt like "men are trash. All over this country from the age of “22 - 60". That it's the pussification of men, and they do not know how to treat women. "So, I'm going to help you."
She and many women don't realize those good men stay far away from controlling, manipulative, man-blaming women.
They look for a woman who wants to contribute to the relationship. Not women who need a male cheerleader all the time for her to feel good.
I have nothing against Tomi Lauren. That video is just an example that I'm pointing out. But more and more, I see women blaming men. If we are honest people, we know there are two sides. We do not live in a simple world where it's always the patriarchy fault.
Women need to acknowledge their contribution to the problem of unhappy relationships. There are negative feminine traits that create a negative environment. Which gives back out negative results.
Freya Ager defines Toxic femininity as Negative feminine traits include emotional manipulation, passive-aggressiveness, and the weaponization of gossip. For example, the typically feminine trait of “agreeableness” can become servility. A woman’s tendency to nurture can turn into possessiveness. Feminine sexuality can distort into the abuse of sexual power to tease men and then play the victim.
Over-normalized reducing femininity to sexuality
While being attractive pays off (for both sexes.) The way it is used to manipulate their partners in adulthood is different.
I see it more in women than men who mistaken sexuality or their beauty as their strength and power.
Teen girls learn through positive feedback. Usually, being cute or pretty gets you something. People are nicer to you, more doors open. Then those girls turn into women that think that is how the world works around them.
Our 12-year-old listens to WAP. We all were in an uproar about Cuties. These things encourage the over-sexualization of young girls. It's the exact opposite of sexual liberation because it teaches girls that sex is a tool in their belt.
We need to stop acting like we aren't subtly teaching girls that beauty and sex are how to get what they want. All girls know that they can go to bars and get free drinks, but we blame men. There are things more important than their body and how they use it.
I see pretty girls who grow up to have their identity challenged when they're older.
Reducing femininity to sexuality leads to a generation of toxic females with mental health issues when their ego is bruised. But we know women can be far emotionally abusive to men. Women who use their sexuality to control men find out it doesn't help them feel secure or real confidence. More importantly, it fails to teach them what a true partnership is.
It starts at a young age. We should prioritize emphasizing other traits. The joy they bring to a room. Their intelligence. Their ability to problem solves. Applaud them when they can build and maintain real relationships.
There is something innately special for each girl. Something they can use to contribute to the world. It gives girls something else, so there is no question about their self-worth later in life.
Mom's especially are needed to have that conversation because we can't tell men to stop being men. There are hard truths.
There are male instincts.
Women dress up like it because they want to be looked at.
The bikini pics with your ass out on social media are for the validation. We all like a bit of spotlight, admiration. Just don't lie about it and say you're dressing that way for any other reason. Don't be surprised when you get crude DM's.
When we go shopping with our teenager for make-up and crop tops, it's a hard balance because we don't want her to lie to us. I try and teach her about perception.
She can wear this... but this is how men are going to look at you when you're wearing that.
We should bring back feminism in a way that doesn't tear anyone down. That includes men. That's how we create stronger men by giving them something worth fighting for.
Women can stand for something that men can't. Kimberly Klacik is my favorite example. She has perspective and empathy. She's thinking of future generations. She is what a strong woman looks like. That is what feminism should be about.